This weekend has really drained me. I think I felt better getting it all out while Steven was here so I had someone to share the emotions with rather throwing a pity party for one. That way I can face the week with all of it out of me and I can feel like I'm starting fresh. Today was a decent start to the week...
Liam went over 24 hours with clear fluid coming up in his tube from his stomach which indicates his digestive system is processing his secretions properly so it's probably working better now. I think the surgeon wants to see some consecutive days of this before she'll grant feedings, so we hope he keeps going through the night and has more good results by morning. A step forward was they toook him off suction. What this means is that the tube is no longer sucking the fluid from his stomach, they are letting gravity take over to see if something comes up on it's own. Can't recall how this is better then suction, but I just know that it is a step closer to getting his NG tube out.
I think we've all given up on the dirty diapers. I don't even think he got a suppository today. And he's still fussy as all get out. Trying to put his hands in his mouth, trying to eat his blanket- he's so hungry. We found letting him lay up on our chests allowed him to get some sleep at least (and take his mind off the tummy pangs). At least Liam is thriving on the fluids and lipids he's getting. He's closing in on the 7 lb mark and has grown half an inch so far.
On a sad side note- another baby passed away this morning in NICU. This time it was an 8 month old- EIGHT MONTHS OLD and never was well enough to leave the NICU. The family had been here at the RMH longer than my girlfriend was. There is a silver lining to the story. Without going into it too much- the family functions as a stronger unit than they were able to before they had this baby. Sometimes we never know the reason why we go down the roads we do, until we get to our destination. As emotional as the past few days have been, I'm constantly reminded that my baby has great odds and I need to remain thankful that all I have to worry about is when Liam's going to get to eat, not how are the doctors going to try to keep him alive. I remind myself it's still ok to be upset about my baby's situation and my family's coping, but I'm greatful all the same.
Steve and I spent on of our breaks pimping out Liam's digs with a new iPod Shuffle w speaker so he'd have his music we play him when we're up there (Renee & Jeremy I spoke of before). Anything to keep him comforted! We also had to pick up some Valentine's Day goodies for Riley since we get him back tomorrow- hooray! Steve and I took in one more movie during the afternoon break- The King's Speech (super great- a must see!). It was good having quality time with my husband, away from the hospital and house before he left again for the week.
I went back up in the evening to see Liam while Steve headed home. Liam was wrapped up like a little glow worm- all curled up on my chest. It was hard to leave him behind for the night, but I love our weekend night nurse so I'm sleeping better knowing she's on watch. I asked her if she could be our "primary" which means could she try to get scheduled with us whenever she's on duty. I love consistency, especially with nurses you feel confident with and with whom your baby responds to (that was a lot of "withs" but who has time for sentence structure at 11pm?). Liam seemed to have very peaceful nights with her around so I was thrilled she said she would take us on. Now we just need some good weekday night nurses and we're set.
I got back to the room tonight, alone, but my husband had left behind a gorgeous bouquet of roses for me since my other ones have now died. It's a nice reminder of his support, even though he can't be here with me during the week.
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